Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.

I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.

Oh, yeah, I've seen 'Seinfeld' 1,000 times.

It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.'

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.

Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.

There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.